Saturday, July 27, 2013

Weight Battle

I am almost lost on how I should start this. It has been months since my last post. My life has been going in so many directions.

      For the last two years I have been battling with weight gain. I had a beautiful wedding ceremony and reception and I felt great about myself. I weighed 133, I was in great shape & would get up early and go to gym to run, do classes or weight lift. Less then a year after my wedding we got word Zak would be deploying again for 6 to 7 months. I started slowly going to gym less and would stay home with Zak as much as possible, and would also eat like Zak does(which is a big mistake).  Literally the DAY BEFORE Zak was deploying I lost my job. It was a crushing blow. I wasn't happy, and I was gaining more and more weight. I was up to 175 in July when another crushing blow came my way. I was watching a friends dog, and my dog outside and was making sure they had water. They were playing around and rough housing when they came up behind me and knocked my knees out from me. I some how twisted and landed half way on the grass and half on the cement. I tried to get up and go inside, but either way I turned or moved was painful. Went to doctor and they thought I tore ACL and or Meniscus. Unfortunately my insurance wouldn't pay for an MRI until I did a month or so of Physical Therapy to see if knee would get better on its own. No surprise that it didn't get better, and I was limping around for almost two months when I finally got the OK to get an MRI. Well turns our I had no ACL even left, and meniscus was torn badly and probably got worse because I had to wait so long. I got surgery on Sept. 20th, 2012, and the healing process can take up to a year. Therapy went well, but as soon as it was over I stopped going to the gym and my quad muscle never came back like it should. So I am still struggling from time to time with my knee because it is still weak. 
So it is now end of July 2013, and I am at a weight of 205.  YIKES~
I really wish I could blame it on one thing like; my husband, knee surgery, job loss, deployments, stress, or whatever, but I think it was a combination of everything. Mainly I have not eaten like I should, or worked out like I should.  
I have felt very un-happy and even ashamed. I can't stand taking pictures, getting ready for the day, or going out and having to socialize because I have been so self conscious. I am also sick of feeling tired all the time. I have troubles sleeping, maybe due to always being so uncomfortable. Also maybe because my skin is stretching, and crazy enough that is painful and annoying. One of the main reasons I decided to write this and start changing my life, is because I hit my rock bottom. I was looking at my sister in-law's facebook page and seen some pictures she put up a couple months ago. I was so shocked at what I saw. I knew I was over weight, but I avoid full mirrors and in my mind I would tell my self it wasn't that bad. When I seen the picture there was no mistaken. First thing I noticed was how uncomfortable I was. Pillow on my lap(like its able to cover something), face so round it has no definition, arms so big(and pale) they stand out from a mile away. Mainly it was sad seeing it because of how unhappy I looked. 
I am ready to change my life, and hope to have all of you there with me. 

                                                 


                                                           



                                                        Goals:            

       1. Become happy with who I am, no matter my weight!
       2. Start trimming out foods that I should NOT be eating
       3. Have fruit and veggies everyday
       4. Start going to gym or working out at home 3 times a week. Once I am comfortable with that, bump it up to 4-5 times each week. 
      5. Keep a journal of foods I eat each day, and workouts I accomplish
      6.  STOP drinking Soda and sugar drinks (allow 2 cans per week at first)
      7. Start to change my outlook on life. Such as parking farther away to walk more, or taking stairs, or realizing I don't need junk food to make me happy or make me feel better, or remember that everytime I work out and I am eating healthy I ALWAYS feel better and my skin is much nicer, and everything is just so much easier. 
     8. I am not going to focus on a certain weight number yet, but the weight chart says I should weigh in the range of 115-132, so eventually I will aim for that. 

                                      I will start with those goals then go from there. 
FYI guys we are trying for children, so my weight loss goals might have to change again if I ever get preggers.

Thanks everyone, and keep checking back for updates, and YOU TUBE videos I plan to start making of workouts, meals, etc. 


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